Self Authoring- Our Baseline
were trying to find a version of them
plasticity; flexible, explorative
structure; focus, habits
these are two overarching personality traits
first we try to find out if they have a fixed mindset or a growth mindset ( this is for us to treat them differently)
first we have to enable the idea that they can change and succeed
explain growth versus fixed mindset
do you trust yourself as a achiever, do you have a pyramid of failures or succeses
do you know yourself in failures or success
developing will power; making small commitment for 21 days incrementally. start small like taking a shower at a set time; you are training a small child, every time you succeed congratulate yourself like a proud child. the goal is not to become disciplined but to gain trust that whatever we do benefits our greater life, fulfilling the commitment of your own promisises. this creates inner congruence between action and will/decisions.
the number one step to self esteem is inner trust.
make five complete statements as if someone else is describing you.
holding on to false images, what is honestly you right now.
actions vs desires.
jealousy originates from wanting to define yourself through the accomplishment or failure desires
exercise 1; everyone stands in circle talking in the middle about their authentic intention of being, then talk casually about it to one or two other people not in the centre.
emphasis on the difference in feeling when expressing in the centre stage versus casually. spotlight vs non spotlight. we change our performance when we feel at the centre of attention. we wear our social masks always when communecating/interacting with others.
this comes with anxiety because when you are performing there is a possibility of failing.
this anxiety is rooted in our biological ancestry, we are group animals and depend in our survival on belonging to a group. To belong we need however to modify our instinctual, most authentic way of acting as when one is unobserved by group members to a more acceptable version. this need for belonging and acceptance derives from approval or acceptance from the others. so when we have to perform it brings in fear of rejection, that your behavior leads to being dismissed from the group. this would have heavy consequences in primeval life and now also we want to belong to the group to which and through which we identify. we identify to a group by putting on the correct social uniform. the uniform consists of actions words or appearance or all of these, the correctness of our outward appearance is then judged by the group which can reject you or support and welcome and even idolise you. But it always means we are outwardly performing in social environment and furthermore that this always brings anxiety from the fear of rejection. so if its always there, how do we manage it?
acknowledge people/strangers/friends etc beyond their roles but as humans or living things, acknowledge their presence.
this prevents social performance anxiety from becoming too big of a deal. how is this related to acknowledging people?
silently compliment those around you, try to find something good in everyone, think positively about others.
this firstly removes focus from inner feelings of lack and secondly reprograms your default mode to be positive and grateful. your default will be beauty hunting mode, and those who seek wil find.
when we are exclusively self focussed instead of also other focused we search and attract people that will further the fulfilment of our needs wants and desires.
the desire to be liked leads to performance where we modify our behaviour, you assemble your social mask and uniform.
again this is always the case in social setting but it gets pathologycal and detrimental when this outward act becomes too far removed from your authentic expression. the behaviour is pretentious which creates more pain inside of you because you lose authenticity and wholeness, you become disjointed.
making your behavior more unself concious;
very wild african dancing, the less you are self aware the better you dance your dance. same in life the less you are self analyzing the deeper more authentic you dance with life.
practice savouring the moment, extend the present moment, this excludes fear and anxiety and shame as this is usually (except in truly threatening situateons) excluded when the awareness is here and now.
exercise 4; inner universe meditation,
realising that living in the present is the only real living, all the rest is just escapism.
to become the centre of your universe you need to pay attention to yourself and the universe, this happens when you allow yourself to be present with what is.
there are consumers and creators.
consumers derive more pleasure but no real sustainable flufflment from their actions.
creators may derive less pleasure but extreme fulfilment from their actions, even in failure or rejection.
if you consume with awareness it becomes creation. but beware that these activities may become less pleasurable because you are present in them it is no longer escapism which was the end goal of many of these behaviours (netflix/drugs/eating etc.). you start to see the activity for what it is which can be painful and less pleasurable.
anytime you engage in activities with present awareness the activity is transformed into a creative process, you gain competence with deliberate practice i.e. present awareness in action. competence enables you to become your own authority and gain confidence in yourself, you create the confidence and competence from the activity because of the awareness.
the most important project to gain competence in is your life, the competence of self knowing.
once you know yourself and become competent in knowing yourself by being aware of yourself you will see that there is an inherent desire for meaning and purpose in your life which you can now engage in with you competence and confidence in handling and knowing yourself.
you can channel your energy into fulfiling your purpose, purpose leads to happiness.
a sense of comfort in your skin, in where you are right now.
first we empty ourselves from all desires, differences, should be’s, want be’s etc, when you free yourself from all this stuff clinging to the you as it stands now, today, then you do and create as you wish without stickiness of bagage.
nobody is born lazy, all pleasure is active. you don’t take drugs and then go to sleep
define and discart your labels to come to higher levels
unless you are a conscious creator you will not find fulfilment
embracing the past and forgiveng ourselves
start talk about intense realism??
imagine a past situateon which you still regret until this day or wish you could change.
bring it to your current reality, re-live it.
what behaveor was triggered from you in this situation
what thoughts fuelled this behaviour
what were the deeper feelings underlying it
what are the beliefs that underlie these feelings
what were the consequences of these beliefs and what are the consequences of this belief if its still present in your life?
-in myself i discovered impurity around my belief of ‘i can not ask for help’
-my problem are only mine to solve
-i need to earn the presents i receive, i am unworthy.
-i like to test my strength with pain (masculine behaviour)
if you can allow yourself to receive more you can also give more and vice versa, nature is balancing so a deficiency or excess will always be compensated by either increasing or decreasing the opposite.
i can ask for help
not giving only when its convenient.
-you are gods gift to earth, just your presence is inherently valuable.
but… unless you acknowledge it you can not share it.
-and the more you acknowledge it in others the more you recognise it in yourself (remember day 1 and 2 lessons about silently complementing)
-work on recognition is past self forgiveness, so first we forgive ourselves for the past behaved and situations unfolding like they did. forgiving ourselves as the bad guy, you also don’t criticise others for years on a single misstep.
releasing and healing your past
realize you have very little time in this life so how much of the time do you want to devote to aching and shaming about the story you tell yourself of your past.
exercise; tell the same story as in day three but make it shorter and shorter.
then tell it as if it was someone you know but not yourself who did it.
then insult them.
come to realise how you would not blame someone as excessively or even at all like you blame or punish yourself. the insults are funny and interesting because you see clearly how you insult yourself.
every act of self-criticism is a brick in a prison you are building for yourself, and it gets harder to break out with each brick. all these things we hold on to consists of both the actual event and the story we tell ourselves about it. we need to learn to separate these two.
desire vs anti desire; every desire to do something or have something always creates an opposite anti desire; i want to quit smoking vs i like smoking. so if one part of you wants to improve, another wants the opposite.
the stories we have about our past behaviour in particular situations is connected to our current behaviour because the belief underlying the behaviour persists, this is also connected to why we tell the story a certain way, namely so that it is congruent with the belief so that the belief is not challenged but fortified. not doing so could result in cognitive dissonance which we try to avoid mostly unconciously. but then also the belief starts to become the paradigm through which we see the world so the stories we fabricate will have the beliefs as an assumption of truth.
these beliefs and stories about ourselves or the world induce self harm. either drop the behaveor or drop the story. whatever you do, do not justify your behaviour; drop the story about your behaviour, it only perpetuates self harm.
big changes are more important then small changes so don’t waste focus on the margins too much.
complete forgiveness; stopping the behaviour or stop the guilt
declaring ourselves worthy of love
approaching the problem with a negative assertion; whenever we ask ourselves ‘why am I worthy of love?’ we are already denying that we are worthy of love. We make it conditional; I am worthy of love because ….. etc.
The need to govern our behaviour tied to the belief that we can govern our behaviour.
name aa few nasty qualities; laziness for example. I believe laziness is some part of me that i can just slap and chose not to give in to. this creates inner conflict because there is a conflict between the behaviour of mind and the desires of conciousness. like there is a choice for our being lazy or not.
resolving the inner conflict between elephant and monkey
first you drop the criticism every time your mind behaves. the mind has history, roots past experiences, dna, memories beyond our conciousness; our brains/subconcious store a lot of info.
so acknowledge and respect the elephant instead of stabbing it with doubt and fear and anger. Acknowledge the power of the mind.
its not negative or trying to destroy you; quite the opposite.
try to make friends not foes of the monkey and the elephant. declare the alphabet, the mind and the monkey; the conscious desiring over time, both worthy of love.
incongruence between conscious desires and mind driven action is partly because a lot of our desires are driven by society and are not directly related to our more primal drives which are part of mind/elephants reservoir. this means mind/primal drives and natural tendencies is often suppressed.
how to make friends;
see the value of compliments to both self and other
dropping harsh criticism
be gentle with yourself and your faults
you don’t have to be consistent! this cannot be stressed enough, there is growth and change possible at any moment
you don’t need to label yourself or accept any of them; i made a mistake vs i am a mistake.
Be very careful with the labels you attach to yourself because there is nothing permanent about the things you label. acknowledging the labels is attribute stability to yourself which contributes to a fixed mindset.
drop all. none are (permanently) true.
IN THIS MOMENT YOU ARE PURE AND PRISTINE.
any time we are about to accept labels or thoughts come to awareness.
you don’t need any statements for your being, it is indescribable. the statements are deeply connected to the matrix of meaning bestowed by the soviety and its any layers of reward/punishment etc.
dont forget that this agenda plays into your labels and behaviour, not necessarily true. be careful here not to drop out of societal issues it is still your responsibility as a part of that culture to strive for the freedom of others too, as your freedom depends on it.
exercise; ranking your top 10 desires and direct them
im so concerned for myself, a nagging voice; wasting time syndrome. i havent had mental vacation.
mentally relaxed not for a while, burnout symptoms arise out of too many unfinished projects/deadlines
responsibility is a choice. how many incomplete tasks do you have hanging, you don’t want to only close the tab but delete it. before responsibility, let go of things that cannot be finished right now.
do not let yourself be driven by fulfilment or purpose. relax and let go before you create so you create consciously and truly allow yourself to remove your creation from subconcious beliefs or should be’s etc.. What threads are lying untied in your past or subconscious? Burn all the land, crops and weeds as relaxation, burn all goals ambitions responsibilities and whatever to make your inner landscape fertile again.
its like there is no pull anymore, like everything needs to come from me but then I am burned out.
first step to self reliance or esteem is to reject unnecessary responsibility.
i should take a vacation for 4 or 7 days and see what doesn’t leave me, try not to escape this in games/movies/philosphy, friends or whatever.
Dont take any action about the fantasies that are inside you. don’t write it down, don’t immediately act out the fantasies or glorify them
the vacation is the first part; abandon all desires that you are currently not acting on. whatever is incomplete, let go. stop everythingng don’t start anything, rest!
once your in this phase, don’t research anything. usually people see themselves as accomplishments, critical part is to see yourself as the person who can accomplish, be a yoga teacher before you are a yoga teacher. this feeling of I CAN BE, is what creates self reliance.
what kind of person do you want be instead of what you want to have accomplished. our self esteem is deeply tied to the understanding that we can be whatever we want. It starts with deciding to be a person, decide to be the person who you ARE, immanently decide don’t force yourself into moulds that aren’t yours.
who do you really want to be, loose of the society blah bla blah. the point of relaxation is clarity and cut loose from the past.
Second part is to really explore and look at what we want to be, but don’t think in adjectives, yoga teacher, banker etc. what can you not let go of. When you relax fully, focus on what stays with you when you let go as completely as possible. go the level of are/be, its much easier to start projects from this.
the next part is community; find a likeminded universe to manifest your dreams/missions. this like minded community can multiply our thoughts and wants. You have to go out and find this. surround yourself with people smarter also, be a teacher and a student.
intention (working towards finding purpose)
there is no desire which fulfilment will quench your thirst.
Once you see the illusion of fulfilment you see the illusion of desire.
3 major causes of suffering;
-ignorance (sometimes we know what we need but we do not engage; wilful ignorance)
Burn the problem vs solving the problem
How to resolve confusion or find clarity
purpose defined as a higher calling, it fulfils you, it brings you peace which arises from action without guilt)
finding a purpose is beyond the scope of this course, mainly because a purpose arises from life, it requires you to live and be in the world. But.. intention is a manageable skill or tool to learn in this course.
it is not the same as goal setting! rather than being goal oriented, intention is process oriented. It deals with feelings rather than milestones, it deals with the after effect of reaching a goal. important to note that while goal setting is a very conscious-demanding process, intention actually focusses on the subconscious, the subconscious is actually the largest part of our mind (remember the iceberg metaphor) and it is where all our past impressions and a lot of our beliefs are stored.
The fact that the subconscious is not a very well illuminated part of our experience but rather underlying it (sub-concious) makes for a very interesting phenomenon in which a lot of our conscious desires are actually directly countered by anti-desires which arise almost instantaneously. these anti desires arise from the subconscious which is constantly looking out for our survival and gaining pleasure.
often our conscious desire directly conflict with our unconscious drives for pleasure, survival and immediate reward. So how to make friends between your conscious desires and your unconscious desires; through intention. With intentions we address the subconscious. It is a determination to act but also an invitation to act for your subconscious, a surrender to this part inside of us.
This surrender is not at all a bad idea considering the archaic and time tested nature of the ‘lower’ brain structures, many of these have been around for more than a 100 million years whilst the higher prefrontal cortex (most likely the main seat of our conscious intention to behaviour modulation) has been around for only a few million years. Therefore, an incongruence between conscious desire and subconsciousness is a David versus Goliath type of battle.
Furthermore, our many experiences from the past, which are also part of our subconsciousness, along with evolutionary successful mechanisms programmed in our DNA, are the most valuable learning material we have in terms of how to act. So it is no wonder that logical argument and reasoning fail often as mechanisms of behaviour modulation when they directly conflict with the very successful mechanisms of experience or evolutionary based learning.
For example if a conscious desire to stop smoking arises your brain will immediately counter this with an opposite desire to stay smoking, why does it do this you ask? well, thats because our dopamine (aka reward) system knows that smoking equals pleasure from the experience of smoking. This system is what motivates behaviours of seeking reward so imagine that the little part of your brain that knows smoking is bad for you has to now take it up against the very strong part of your brain that has been dealing with reward motivated action for millions of years and its experience is that smoking in fact brings pleasure or relief from craving more accurately. Who will win most battles?
So how to use intention to modulate your behaviour and manifest things that align with your current wishes?
clarity is the purpose of this and most other meditation/self-esteem courses. this clarity will only arise through meditation, it is the only state where we relax from the mind and allow things to arise. so start a daily meditation practice after which, when the mind is muted a little we engage in formulating intentions and sowing them as little seeds.
important to keep in mind while using intentions
-first, it is very necessary to distinguish between desires and intentions. Intention needs to be clear and without doubt, this doubt arises from a disagreement of conscious desire and subconcious feelings, memories and mechanisms. if you find some part of you is in disagreement with your intention (wether you like that part or not, remember total self acceptance) then refine it.
-Next it is also important to know that intention does not work with numbers or deadlines, so becoming a millionaire by 2023 is not an intention, thats a desire. Feeling abundant in money and being able to share your wealth with loved ones can be an intention, notice there is no number or date specified but rather a feeling and behaviour you wish to enact.
-You can see intention setting as luring your subconscious to go out on adventure with consciousness.
-The juicier your intentions are the more likely they will lead you to a path of purpose.
when your purpose is found or your intentions become clearer to you it becomes self-defining. this instantly translate to a diminished effect of others opinions or criticisms on our state and drive to act. Why? Because others’ reaction are often times what we use to define ourselves ad our worth. when we become rooted in and act from our own intentions you become your own point of reference instead of having other people as your point of reference. jealousy often stems from self defining through success and failure (mechanism??)